Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I'm a new wife and mom....AGAIN

I'm home sick. Have a fever ... I still am dizzy from my new glasses. These progreesives suck.. I just see clearer as my head is spinning thats all......I feel like crap, am bored and i'm sure I'm hallucinating. Gotta be.

David is back on days after what 5 yrs or is that 7? Lost count. Nini moved back home so she can go back to school. Oh with Kirby ( her BF) in tow. Sometimes here..Sometimes not. but still... he is here, which I'm not saying is a bad thing. I'm just saying...My nights are not my own anymore.

My groove thang has gone haywire.

My nights after work consist of making dinner, setting the table, washing dishes, getting stuff ready for next day.. then dropping dead from exhaustion, just so I can be up at the crack of dawn (its not EVEN dawn yet btw) by 4:30 the next day to make lunches and read email and get ready for work. Why not make lunches the night before you may ask??? Cause they like FRESH lunches. AND whatever GOOD tv shows I DVR'ed (DVR'd??) I won't be able to watch cause David a) doesn't like them or b) I'm too damn tired and fall asleep within the first 5 mins.

I know that somewhere..long time ago I did this. yep.. Add 2 boys... yep I use to do this and more. That was when all 5 of us lived here. A Looooooooooooong time ago. ok, maybe not that long. But still, we are creatures of habit and when the last of my brood moved out and hubby was working nights. My life became my own ..to do as I saw fit. That included but not limited to: channel surfing.. yes, a remote control to call my very own. NO sharing, crackers n cheese for dinner or take out or nothing, my choice, um.... sitting in my studio, creating or just eyeballing all my goodies. Coming up with ideas and jotting them down, trying out stuff in my journal, reading my emails and checking out my groups, reading blogs but forgetting to write in my own.

So as I sit here nursing myself, I come to admit to myself ( Shhhhhhh don"t tell my family) I like cooking, I enjoy thier company, tv isn't that important, I like the fact David washes the dishes and I only have to do the pots. Nini and Kirby clear the table, shovel snow, take out the garbage, and they all thank me each night for dinner and tell me how good it is. Kirby has become David's Nintendo partner while I make dinner, and Nini is my companion at the store and everyone comes out to get the groceries from the car. My bed is made every morning now..Oh and I have a husband again 7 nights a week that I can put my cold ass feet up against to get them warm with no complaints. hmmmm I really like this... all of this.

Saturday, February 2, 2008

Changes and more assumptions

We are back to this... after how many months???

I never create anything that I actually keep. Everything goes out the door.

But this time it's different.

I was in the process of creating some fatbook pages when my oldest came into my studio cause his dad told him he pissed off mom. Well, it all stems from my post months ago when my son figured I don't have a life. I thought everything was ok and once again we were back to it.

Hurt turns to anger. And my words were "I'm done". Done with worrying, thinking, doing, for everyone else.

So, here I was in the middle of creating a page when he walks in and once he tell me he heard I was mad but didn't know why...I went off. Called him a self centered, elitest brat and that anything that he doesn't consider importatnt isn't. I think shock is a good way to describe the look on his face. But he agreed.. and brought up having a baby. YEAH, that doesn't work with me anymore. I had 3 by his age and neither of our families knew of our struggles and I dealt with whatever came my way. With that we started talking..the whole time I'm working and talking. He looked around and said that he always supported my endeavors. Well.....he is right. He has always encouraged me. But to figure after a long day at work..I have nothing to do????..makes me nuts. He agreed he has been an ass and disrespectful.

I finished the page and kept it..... as a reminder. That my time counts.

Where's the change????

All within the same week....Hubby starts working days ( overnights for past 5 years) and our daughter moves back home in order to afford school.

Have to keep saying..

my time counts
my time counts
my time counts

Ahhhh but maybe it will feel like we are newlyweds... after almost 30 yrs.
Gotta smile