This past week isn't any different than the last few months. The only thing that changed was my perception of what is going on here. I opened my eyes and I hit the wall. Reality set in.
David has been out of work since Thanksgiving and what I make every month doesn't cover all the bills. So naturally the deck of cards was slowly crumbling. I had hope though...I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I was making big plans for my birthday with the girls and then a side trip with David and another couple. This won't last, I convinced myself...we'll be okay. I was cheerful till I took Friday off to get some business taken care of.
The realization of how bad the situation is, came crashing in on me. I knew it was bad...how could I not know? I knew. I just KNEW it was all going to be okay, so I was still hopeful..till Friday.
Friday coupled with David getting in an accident in my car this week, put me over the top. Even though the accident wasn't his fault and we have full coverage...it's just too much.
I made a list. (I love making lists). I started with the mortgage company...I had already called and have been getting documents together to work out our mess. But this time I got some asshole, who basically made me feel like shit. He didn't give any hope, just hey pay or you lose your house. I paid my mortgage, but this guy drew the grim picture. I ended up sobbing when I got off the phone. As I scramble to keep everything afloat..there are some things that are falling by the wayside. And now the light at the end of the tunnel as been extinguished.
David is leaving this week to do a side job out of town. So I will be alone for a week, maybe two.
He wants Anjelika to come and stay here while he is gone. Me? I think I'd rather be alone with my thoughts.
Yesterday, we took care of some more things and we may just barely squeak by.
I feel like we are 20 yrs old again and starting out instead of where we were just this past summer. I'm going backwards instead of forward. Friday I just wanted to run away...leave it all behind. But then what? Where would we go? What would we do? I know there are people out there alot worse off than we are. I can sympathize. I am scared for the first time in over 28 years. I have already let go off the luxuries. We have the basics. So for now we are hanging on.
After I was done paying the bills and saw what was left.. wow..our bank account hasn't been this low in soooo long. I freaked out.
So I laid down and slept..... tomorrow is another day.
No comments:
Post a Comment