PURGE, PURGE,PURGE

It feels sooo good to simplify my life.

Yesterday I went through the living room and dining room (that are still under semi-construction) and started throwing things out. Not completely blindly but more or less.
If I haven't used it, needed it in the past year ...out it went.

The clutter is gone!!!

Today I'm going through papers and magazines that I threw in a box.
I still have a box in the extra bedroom of old magazines that I bought through the last two years but never read. Must be a obsessive thing, had to have them monthly but never would read them. So I'm sure there are techniques and wonderful art awaiting me.

I wish I could take a month off of work just to get this house where we want it.
The living room moved to the old studio in the basement. More of a family room and the living room will be more of a sitting/acoustic room with a baby grand and some acoustic guitars.
The baby grand by the picture window will look great.
But I still have to purge the old studio of stuff that never made it to the new one on the first floor.

My new laptop arrived this week in all its spendid RED glory. I got the new Dell XPS in RED!!!
With all the bells and whistles!! Now I need a new bag to carry it in, cause the one they gave me isn't what I wanted but hey my boss wants to buy it from me and then I can buy this one.

Way cooler and more me!!

Assumptions

As the saying goes... "Assume makes an ass out of you and me".
Or something like that. Anyways, these past few weeks I've learned there have been some assumptions made about me that are sooo wrong. The more I thought about it, the more upset I got.
It started with Damien (my oldest), wanting me to babysit. It always starts off the same, so I know its coming..."mom, can you watch the baby". Which is usually fine. (To my surprise I love being a grandma!)
" Are you doing anything on ______ ?"
Does doing my artwork or reading constitute doing something? Or even wanting a peaceful night to myself?
I feel like it does yet my guilt says otherwise. Because really I can do that the next night or the night after.
So I asked him if he knew what I did at night when I got home from work and his dad left for work ( David works night). And his answer blew me away..." Nothing, read People, maybe play on the
computer, watch TV.."
Wow...my life in his eyes is pretty boring and lame.

I got pissed.

Do I watch TV? yes..its usually on as background noise when I'm home by myself. I DVR anything I really want to watch and then I only watch that when I go to bed.

Read People? Its my guilty pleasure. I read a lot. Books, art mags, zines... I can get lost in a book.

" Play on the computer?" What is that? I don't play games...I read email, blogs, and most of the time I'm organizing and fixing the gazillion pics we have on our pc.

I guess that in the last two years I wasn't doing much...granted I stopped creating anything.
Is that where the bases of his assumption lies?? But then again HE was the one that first encouraged me..then pushed me to making him a book of all my old Cuban recipes and to "art it up". Which I did.... which led to Tony (middle son) and Anjelika (baby girl) asking for one too but with different covers. I was surprised that they turned out as great as they did. I'll post pics later.
And that finally led to me to creating again.

So after getting pissed, being hurt, and obsessing about it. I told him...I'm in my art studio every night..after I get home from work and pick up, get the coffee ready for David, read my emails and after David leaves...I play, organize and reorganize. Or I sit and look around at all my STUFF, till inspiration hits. And it usually does...so if it gets too late I jot it down in my sketchbook that I started. I also have now a journal I call my wish book. It keeps the stuff I want to buy...art supplies, mags, and books...all having to do with art.
And also my art journal... the keeper of all things related to me..... thoughts, things that inspire me, hopes, dreams......

So I am a busy girl....just no one sees it

NEW BEGINNINGS

I'm making it just before midnight...but I am making it.....finally.

Today I am 48. It's hard for me to believe. It was just 2 years ago when my life got away from me. I was doing so well and then the heart attack. I thought it was just panic or stress. Guess not. It scared everyone but worse me. The heart can be mended ( great docs) but the after effects...not so easy. At least for me.

I stopped living...but the funny thing is life keeps moving even if your not moving with it.

So much happened in those two years and I look at it now almost like in a dream state. I was there.....but it felt like I was outside looking in. Someone else's life I was watching. Kinda hard to explain. Fear...dread.. always looking over my shoulder. Since I know there is still more work to be done..when will the other shoe drop and I'm back in the hospital. Will I make it next time?? It was a close call last time. Recovery isn't easy sometimes, it can be a rough road. Physcially and mentally.

But in the last 2 months something changed... not sure how or when it happened....the veil was lifted. I feel more like me again.

So here I am..ready again...starting all over.